


My Hero

by Lizzie Phantomhive (TribalGarnet)



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Bittersweet, Fluff and Angst, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Light Angst, POV First Person, cielizzie, cielizzy, slight cielizzy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-09-19 21:04:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9460364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TribalGarnet/pseuds/Lizzie%20Phantomhive
Summary: The night before, Elizabeth Midford had stayed over for a visit. While walking down the halls of his manor, Ciel finds that her door had been left open. He was going to ignore it until a drawing of himself nestled in the mirror catches his eye.





	1. My Hero

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Of Mice and Men](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/280848) by John Steinback. 



Elizabeth had stayed over my manor for the night, even though I never gave the approval for a sleepover. She took it upon herself, despite  _ knowing  _ I had business to attend to. I’m sure she had more important things to do than to saunter around my mansion aimlessly because I wasn’t paying her the boundless attention she needed.

It was midday when I was walking to my bedroom to retrieve my journal. I’m not sure why I stopped, but my vision wandered to the open door of the guest room Elizabeth had resided in the past night. I should have respected her privacy. But the door was open a mile and this was  _ my  _ manor, after all. I’ll be honest, the mirror wasn’t the first thing I stared at, but when I did stare at it, I found a portrait of myself nestled into the frame of the mirror.  _ Was that me? _

The more I stared, the more I grew curious. I didn’t have 20/20 vision, but I knew for a fact that it couldn’t have been me because the boy wasn’t wearing an eyepatch. Then  _ who  _ could it have been? I stepped into the room to take a closer look at the lopsided drawing.  _ It was me!  _ It was drawn with phenomenal skill, despite being merely a sketch. Upon further expectation, I found that the lines, shapes, value, forms, space, texture, and colour (or rather, the absence of colour) was all made with charcoal marks. Impressed, I began to wonder. I had so many questions.  _ Who drew this? Why did Elizabeth have this? Why did I look so young?  _ I realized that I didn’t look any younger than I do now, the only difference was there was a look of innocence expertly captured in the charcoal drawing. A look of innocence and… happiness.

I stood up straight when I heard a voice behind me, and turned as the intruder began speaking. “I drew that.” Elizabeth wasn’t staring at me. In fact, her eyes were focused on the picture rather than working the courage to face me. I didn’t respond, attempting to process what she had just said, so she continued with an explanation. “Awhile back. That’s why you look so young.”

That was abysmal, I had to know if she was telling the truth. “You drew that when you were  _ younger _ ?”

Elizabeth nodded, and then turned her strawberry leaf-green eyes to the ground, as if there was something important inscribed into the patterns of the carpet. “Yeah, that’s why it looks terrible… at least, that’s what I assume you’re thinking.”

_ No, I’m just astonished you can draw so well. Damn it, how didn’t I know that you could draw?!  _ “You drew me?”

The girl shifted, thinking about the question. With every question she seemed to grow restless. “Well… yeah… should I not have?”

“Why would you draw  _ me? _ ”

“I don’t know,” she replied, trailing into a whine momentarily. She strode to the mirror and pressed two fingers to the jawline of the drawing, tracing along the marks and smudging them slightly to soften the shading. “I drew this that month you disappeared… I just… I thought I lost you. I didn’t want just a tombstone to help me remember you. I needed a clear image of you…” There was a long pause. “I draw you a lot.”

“You do?”

She nodded. “In most of them, you’re smiling.” I felt something inside my chest slowly grow tight the more she explained. “That’s all I want. You hide yourself so much, physically and emotionally… you don’t talk to me much anymore… I wonder if you even like me.” And finally, my heart squeezed.  _ She thinks you don’t like her. Good lord, how did we even get here?  _ She opened the drawer that belong to the dresser the mirror was set on, and pulled out a pad of paper. Opening the pages, she flipped through various drawings. I didn’t have time to see most of them in extraordinary detail, but I saw basic shapes of what they were. Fairies, unicorns, rabbits, there was even an entire page dedicated to different kinds of sweets. However, she stopped on one page that made my heart clench even more.

It was me, this time a full body picture. A sword in one hand, and a shield in another. This one was more recent, I could tell because in this one I wore my eyepatch. I slowly reached a hand and pressed my palm to the eyepatch as I analyzed the drawing. It was in ink, amazingly, and it looked like she had dabbed at it with watercolour paints. “Remember the time when you held a competition with my mother? Remember that big, scary bear? I was so scared, and then you grabbed me and held me so tightly. It was like everything disappeared. You held me, Ciel, like I would be gone the next moment.” In the drawing, there was a smile on my face. Not cold. Not a lie. It was a smile, and my eyes were full of protection.  _ How is she able to capture such emotions in her art? Does she do all of this from her imagination?  _ In the background of the drawing, Elizabeth stood behind me, dressed in a elegant gown. I was protecting her. “I know that you just do everything because you have to.” Her voice was wavering. “You have to keep a good image for society!” Her voice broke as she held back tears, I turned and I saw that she had turned her back to me. “But it… in that moment, when you held me… it was great to be reminded that you at least care still.”

My throat was tight. I tried to speak around the huge ball of guilt in my throat. “Elizabeth…”

She turned, her viridescent eyes glassy. I assumed she was going to ask me what I wanted, but after just a moment of inspection, she instead said, “You’re looking at me the same way right-”

She never got to finish her sentence. I pulled her in for a tight embrace, one hand on the back of her head and my other arm wrapped around the small of her back. She smelled sweet, like vanilla and strawberry shortcakes.  _ This girl is too good for you. She remembered the parts of you that you’d forgotten.  _

“-Now… like you’re my hero.”


	2. My Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lizzie has a nightmare, and so she goes to Ciel's room to seek comfort. There, they talk about how beautiful the world is together.

Ciel watched as the door to his room shut. The light of his butler’s candelabrum disappeared from the crack beneath said door. Ciel let out a slow sigh, the day’s pent up emotion flowing out of him with that breath. And he turned over in his bed. He focused his eyes where his curtains blocked out the gentle light of the moon as his sight adjusted to the darkness of his room. He pulled his thick quilt closer to his body, and attempt to get cozier. 

The room was then silent for a very long time. If one strained, they could hear the gentle song the crickets outside sang. An owl made it’s distinct predatory hoot as it spread its wings wide open and swooped down from it’s branch. The amazing bird made absolutely no noise as it dived from the night sky to capture the meal it set its sight on. A squeak of a mouse followed as talons wrapped around the creature, and then wings batted the air as it flew back up to the tree it had rested in only moments before. The branch the owl landed on shuddered from the weight of the bird. Then, a gentle hush washed over the leaves of the trees, several orange and yellow leaves swooping through the air and then coming to rest on the ground. Ciel huffed, turning over once more, and then adjusting his quilt to accommodate his form. He moved again, lying on his back and using his fingers to push his bangs back. Suddenly, his blanket felt heavy on his chest, and he growled as he tore it off his body.

There was another length of silence. A coyote howl sounded. Grass trembled as the predator made its way through the woods, winding through trees. A twig snapped beneath its paw, and its ears swiveled forward. Its own prey darted out from its hiding place. The coyote flashed after it, its chops parted, panting, salivating, as the rabbit tried to get back to its home before it could be eaten. The pounding of paws radiated through the woods. Suddenly, the rabbit gave a loud squeal as the coyote’s maw clomped down on its body. It frantically thrashed side-to-side, before twisting and scratching the coyote’s eyes. The canine dropped the hare and yelped out as the rabbit painfully made its way towards its hole. The coyote recovered quickly, and pawed towards the hare. It’s hot breath came down on the rabbit’s fur, and then Ciel sat up sharply. The hoot of the owls, the howls of coyotes, the chirping of crickets and the shushing of the trees. It was suddenly annoying to the earl. Turning, he collapsed on his stomach, face first into his pillow. There was another pause, before he moved his head to the side to stare at his bedstand.  _ Damn, _ he thought to himself.  _ I can never sleep at the hour that demon declares it’s time to rest.  _ He laid on his side again, pulling his quilt over his body.

The door opened suddenly. Ciel sat up, visibly confused at the creaking sound. Vaguely, he made out the shape of his fiancee.

“E-Elizabeth?!” 

“Shushhshh!” She shushed him frantically, closing the door behind her. “You’ll wake the entire manor…!” She clasped her hands together, and leaned on the door, pressing her ear to it to listen for footsteps. “That man patrols the entire place at night, I barely made it here in one piece. Does he ever sleep?” She looked at Ciel. There was the trace of suspicion in her green eyes, and Ciel hastily brushed his bangs over his right eye.

“I don’t care what he does.” Ciel said, rolling his visible eye. “As long as he gets his job  _ done. _ ” He turned his gaze back to her. “This is extremely frowned upon, you know? We’re not married, and we’re in the same room after bedtime…”

Ciel noted, absent-mindedly, that her cheeks were pink suddenly. “Yeah, I know, but… I had a nightmare…” She murmured. He opened his mouth to dismiss her. He had nightmares every night, as it seemed, and he didn’t have to run to anyone to baby him. He closed his mouth when he caught a frantic look in her eyes. There was the trace of something dark in those beautiful green irises, a haunting memory. He almost couldn’t believe he read something so crude in her usually sweet, innocent hues. He took a moment to inhale, pinching the bridge of his nose. He released the breath with a sigh after considering what he should say, and scooted to the side of his bed. 

He patted the empty place on the mattress. “Okay. You can lay with me, I’m not tired anyway.” He watched her shuffle over to his bed, and climb on. Lizzie gave a yawn, and Ciel noticed there were dark purple bags beneath her eyes. He furrowed his eyebrows, trying to figure out when she’s ever looked so exhausted, and realized that she must wear a lot of makeup to cover them up. He came to the conclusion that these nightmares plagued her daily, or at least often enough to cause her to become sleep deprived. She smacked her lips after her yawn, and then glanced at Ciel. Her expression twisted up, like she was thinking about something, before she used her fingers to brush her platinum blonde hair over her right eye. He blinked, confused, and grew even more baffled when she began giggling. Then, the expression of annoyance came upon his face, along with a scoff as he realized she was making fun of his bangs. “What?! Are you going to pull out a comb and brush my bangs back? I’m supposed to be  _ sleeping _ , and last time I checked, you’re not your mother!”

She shook her hair out of her eyes, giving a shrug. “Mother’s crazy.” She reached over to ruffle his cerulean hair. “Your hair’s fine in your face like that.” She often ruffled his hair when her mother combed it back. They were quiet for another moment as he smoothed his hair down. An owl hooted, and then both turned to face the window as the drizzle of rain peppered the window outside. She smiled, and said, “that’s nice.”

“What is?” 

“The rain.”

“Really?” He found himself staring at her in disbelief.  _ What’s so nice about rain? It gets things wet. It makes the air humid. It’s grey, it’s ugly, something I was sure Lizzie would despise.  _

“Of course. It’s beautiful, it’s peaceful. Come here.” She took his hand and pulled him to the curtains. She opened both of them, revealing the outside world. Ciel stared out, puzzled. She took his chin, turning his head towards the trees. “Look,” she whispered, “see that owl?” There it was, the accursed hooting creature. He didn’t exactly have 20/20 vision, but he saw the brown creature move and turn to face them, then look away almost instantly. It retreated into it’s hole in the tree. The rain began to pick up speed. “I named him Julio.”

“It’s a male owl?” He asked, unable to mask his annoyance. “How can you tell?”

“I can’t!” She cried cheerfully, and he shushed her almost instantly. She covered her mouth and nodded, before going on. “It just feels right.” She explained, almost out of breath at how stunning she thought it was. He looked at her again, taking in her excitement, and felt himself smile as well. She clearly saw the beauty in everything. “Isn’t it magnificent?” She sighed, a sudden change in her pitch. “This world we live in… it caters to our needs. It rains, and the plants soak up the rain, and then the plants produce food like apples and strawberries, and grass for the livestock. And the livestock eat the grass, and we take their lives to feed ourselves. Trees stand tall, waiting to be cut down to make beautiful buildings. We have marble, clay, gems…” She closed her eyes. “And we take it all for granted. We live such short lives, and yet we spend our time dwelling on money and business and pain… we spend our short time building magnificent monuments to leave our mark behind, but soon those things crumble away. Our lives are very insignificant to the rest of the world. Do you ever think about that?” He didn’t answer, he was amazed that the very child-like Lizzie could have such a mature view of the world. “That’s why I always try to thank God for what we have.”

He scoffed loudly, and she glanced at him, the the dream that captivated her disappearing from her eyes. Ciel looked at her, and realized that she had seen the scorn in his expression at the mention of an accursed being that never offered him anything. She was quiet, and so was he, as they looked back that the view. “I guess I understand.” She murmured softly. It was almost difficult to hear her, so he looked in her direction, with one eyebrow raised. “So many bad things happen in this beautiful world.” She looked back at him. “And they say, ‘if God really existed, why did he let all those terrible things happen to me?’”

He felt his body tense, and then he glared at the window, unable to face her. She saw, but didn’t make it known, and looked at the window too. “I think like that sometimes too.” She whispered. Ciel slowly blinked, the reality of that sentence sinking in on him. She didn’t say anything for a long time. A cold stone lay lumped inside his stomach.  _ Why on Earth would she… could she really believe that losing me was really that terrible? I’m… not… a good person.  _ He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. Slowly, she spoke again, but it sounded as though she were picking her words carefully. “Mother is always so mean with me… and lately she prefers Edward… and… I always have nightmares about Edward.” She trailed off, “I had one this night.” He looked at her again, this time with frantic eyes. “But I push them away. I know he’d never  _ do  _ something like that… to his little sister.” She smiled, but her eyes were glassy and wide with fear. She was gripping her arms, digging her nails into her soft skin.

Ciel had no idea what to do, how to react, what to say to make this  _ better. _ She had just admitted something that she didn’t even want to believe herself, and he stared out the window, his throat closing in on him like a noose. It was almost hard to think that something had harmed Lizzie, the beautiful, happy girl who wanted nothing but to make him smile, to make others smile and laugh.  _ She came to you, asshole. She told this to  _ you _ , and you still can’t even offer her comfort. You’re hopeless. Do something, hug her, and tell her it’s going to be okay, be useful for once!  _ He hesitantly reached out and placed his hand on her warm arm. Instantly, her death grip on her skin released, and in the places where her nails dug in were red crescent moon shapes. He gently rubbed them, not saying another word, unable to think of anything to say in this situation.

She let him be silent, for she was silent herself. The topic shifted as the owl hooted from inside its nest, and the sound of rain came back to their ears. “Listen to the rain.” She encouraged quietly. They watched the droplets form on the window and race down. She sighed contently. “Isn’t it remarkable?”

There was another long, quiet pause. They watched Finny run outside, and dance in the rain, splashing water and mud everywhere. There was a big smile on his face as he got soaking wet. Lizzie smiled weakly. Then, she suddenly turned, taking his hands in her own, her viridescent eyes wide. “Ciel, let’s run away!”

“What?”

“Let’s run away together, just me and you, let’s run away from all our responsibilities. We can just vanish into the night, and nobody will know where we went and where we are. Let’s just run away! Let’s run away and be free, forever!” She explained breathlessly. “Let’s run away and live our lives like we were meant to, embracing the beauty of the world! Won’t you run away with me?”

“Where would we go?” He leaped on the idea, no matter how absurd it sounded. “Where would we stay?”

“Anywhere we goddamn want to!” She exclaimed as quietly as she could, jostling his arms with joy. He couldn’t help but realize how cute she sounded when she swore. “We could find a forest that nobody lives in, me and you, we could build a shack together, I can learn how to.” She boasted.

“A forest, with no other human contact?” He went on, encouraging her to continue. “How would we eat?”

She didn’t have an immediate response. She stared at the floor, her eyebrows furrowing. When she did have one, though, it poured out of her mouth in vivid detail, he could almost picture the reality himself. “We’d raise our own chickens, our own cows. We’d have sheep and pigs, and a little farm we’d tend to. We can bring in eggs every morning and I’ll milk the cow, and I can learn how to cook. If peasants can do it, why can’t I?” Ciel grinned at her, and she blinked, grinning back. They both began laughing and dancing around in the big room. 

“Just like back then, we could sing together, and we could play instruments together, and we could grow up together and we won’t have to worry about any stupid marriage because we’d just love each other!” He chimed.

“And when the carnival comes into the nearest town, we can take a few chickens and we could sell some grapes,” Lizzie trailed off, stopping their twirling because she grew dizzy. Then leaned on each other for support as she continued. “We’d get money, and no one would have to tell us anything, we can just  _ go there! _ ” She spontaneously burst into tears, throwing her hands up to cover her face.

The sudden change in emotion baffled Ciel. He threw his arms around her and pulled her close, and she cried on his shoulder. “O-oh Ciel, why couldn’t things be that easy?” She whimpered, her tears soaking through his nightgown.

He couldn’t muster words. He slowly led her to the window, and closed the curtains, then helped her to his bed. They climbed in together, and he pulled the quilt over them both. He took the end of his sleeve, and wiped her tears away. “Lizzie,” he murmured. She looked up, giving a sniff. “We could live out there together, just me and you.” He began, pulling her head on top of his chest and laying back. “We could explore the forest, we could learn it like the back of our hands.” He began stroking her hair soothingly. “We could have a bitch, and when she has puppies, we could sell them for extra money. We could have a fireplace, and in the winter time we could sit by it. Just me and you. And maybe, just maybe, a babe.”

“Girl?” Lizzie asked softly.

“Girl.” He agreed. “Her name’ll be…”

“Alexa.”

“Alexa.” He repeated. “We’d never argue, there’d never be tears. Just us, together, forever.” He trailed into a whisper. “And when it rains, we could go and dance in the weather. And no one could tell us otherwise. No one.” His eyes were glazed with the fantasy. “Doesn’t that sound nice?”

His answer was silence. He looked down, and found her sleeping expression. He closed his eyes, smiling, thinking about the picture they painted together.

He opened his eyes. “What do you want?”

“I was just listening to your story.” He heard the reply immediately, the sound of footsteps approaching from the darkness. “Young master, you’re quite the  _ storyteller _ , if I do say so myself.” Ciel narrowed his eyes at Sebastian.

“I said,  _ what do you want? _ ”

There was a pause. The owl let out a hoot. “Remember, young master. No matter how far you run, no matter which hole you dive into, or which rock you hide beneath. Even if you have the strongest, purest wife by your side, I will still find you, and you will still be my prey.” Ciel swallowed the rage that boiled in his stomach. A mouse squealed. “I will take Lady Elizabeth to her room now.” The butler made for the girl’s sleeping body. The coyote closed in.

“No-” Sebastian withdrew his hands. “Don’t fucking touch her.”

“Young master, if I-”

“I said-” He snarled, “ _ don’t fucking touch her. _ That is an order. Now get out of here, scum of the Earth.” He watched as the demon, wide-eyed, backed out of the room, and then shut the door behind him. Ciel stared at Lizzie’s soft expression. 

“What was...that…” She mumbled, awake for only a second.

“Nothing. Go back to sleep.”

She nodded off, and he saw a brief smile flash over her lips.

In turn, he smiled himself.

The rabbit disappeared down the hole.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be honest, I didn't expect for "My Hero" to have a second chapter, in fact, chapter two was just going to be a stand-alone fic. Lizzie is definitely a character I like to play around with, because even though we know a lot, we don't know a lot about her.


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